hypochondriasis? jewishness.

i'm back in california and i can't stop crying, out of one eye. because i scratched my conjunctiva. it sucks. it especially sucks because i did it while wearing a brand new pair of contacts, opened only hours before. i'm a genius and i just spent $12 on a tube of GenTeal PM, which, it turns out, is vaseline and a little mineral oil. awesome.

i was on a plane to denver when my eye got all stupid and i couldn't do anything because the most annoying med students ever were sitting next to me the whole time being awful and blocking me in my seat with their awfulness. also on my second flight, the biggest douche in the world CHANGED SEATS so that he could sit by me in a nearly empty flight and alternate between staring at my chest and literally taking up two seats with his laptop and accessories. fuck, it was a great day. did i mention that my first flight had to circle for half an hour before landing, and that i consequently made it onto my next flight only because i RAN across the airport? and that my phone was dead when i landed despite having been fully charged when i left? somehow things worked out though.

so while i was still in st louis, nate read my previous blog entry and we ended up talking about how things felt just a little funny this time. i guess i hadn't thought about all the ugly little ways that distance can distort things. last time i visited, what little weirdness i felt dissipated in a matter of hours, but that was because it had only been three weeks since we had been living together, and that whole three weeks i spent talking to nate all day and mourning the fact that we weren't still constantly together. this time the interval was closer to eight weeks, and i began working and functioning like a normal human being. the longer interval apart, combined with less daily communication, and the fact that now both of us are functioning independently made it that much harder to overcome the weirdness. we acknowledged it and decided to make a few small changes, and things seemed to feel a lot better. it still didn't feel exactly how it did when we were living together, but given another couple days it probably would have.

bleh enough for tonight