hella ELECTION feelings!

YEAAAAH OBAMA WON!

ever notice how "election" is one letter away from "erection?" i did tonight, and so did smacko.

so i was talking to nate again (WHOA SHOCKING) tonight and he was a little buzzed from some small work outing, and he was listening to the walkmen, which i recommended to him a while ago. then he sent me a song from their new album, and even though i'd never heard the song before, just hearing their sound (which is pretty distinctive) brought me back fast and hard to some of my less stable days.

i used to listen to the walkmen a lot when i was about 16 or 17, right when i was starting to bury myself pretty deeply in anorexia, but also right when i was experimenting a lot with boundaries in general and feeling incredibly free in a lot of ways. a lot of the memories i have associated with the walkmen are pretty happy and sweet, like all the best parts of the first couple of summers after getting a drivers license, but a lot of the memories i have from that time are pretty dark too. i was so confused and alone, and angry too, but also so utterly unconcerned by life. it seems so far behind me now, but in a way i miss it. that was a much stranger time in my life.

speaking of anorexia, nate and i were talking about polaroids, and then eventually about this polaroid pin-up art he has been drooling over on etsy featuring strung out girls with spindly legs. a while ago we talked about making our own -- i'd pose and he'd shoot and through some emulsion transfer process, we'd end up with an eerily faded, dreamy print. i may have a killer rack at my current weight, but i definitely do not have killer legs, and looking at the prints he wants made me feel inadequate, so of course i had some HELLA FEELINGS and spent at least a half an hour bemoaning my appearance, which i am well aware is one of the most obnoxious things a girl can do. nate of course calmed me down once again. i swear i'm not like this when we're actually together. something about the distance makes me insecure and i feel like i'm constantly groping around for reassurance, which he readily and adeptly gives. somehow its never enough to last more than a few days, and pretty soon i'm overwhelmed again and the process begins again. the worst part is that, even though he's doing everything right, and doing it repeatedly, i still get sad and needy. hopefully i'll get better at managing it. at least this time it wasn't a major freak out, just some pouting and whining.

in other news, my parents are in cabo san lucas all week for their wedding anniversary. i'm home with the animals. chip, the dog, got lonely or anxious or something and dealt with it by peeing on my favorite boots, which happen to be suede. millie, the cat, has a ring of dreadlocked fur around her butt. every day there are more matts of dreadlocked fur which i'm supposed to cut loose. its pretty gross.

it's been pretty lonely here with just the little beasts to keep me company, so to sooth myself i've been looking at a lot of sapphire jewelry. this necklace blows my mind. its the from the same set as the bracelet my dad got for my mom for her anniversary (which she exchanged for a simpler and better-fitting diamond tennis bracelet). i don't really freak out over diamonds, or jewelry in general usually, but sapphires in white gold or platinum make me go nuts.